Ok- so I didn't get the point spread correct on the game but I should get some credit for knowing the names of BOTH of the quarterbacks. (hottie mc Hotpants and peyton's younger brother) ...so goes another super bowl with lack-luster commercials...
On the treatment front (dun dun duuun...) I got nothin' Another week goes by with nothin'. Not that I am uber-excited about getting shot up with toxins but WTH. I would loooove to get this party started so I can get on with it. for all those gamblers in the crowd - i have my money on next week - next tuesday if i can for d-day. if i hear back from the cancer center this week then hoping to push back until next tuesday b/c of school. if the news comes next week hopefully it will be before tuesday. but if not another couple of weeks will have to go by. I am trying to time it so it hits on an off weekend so if it all goes pear-shaped (people don't use this expression enough) i will have ample time to prepare for school.
In other news - the medical bills are beginning to roll in and i am figuring i need to seriously consider gambling as a profession(lottery, slots, horse races) karen carpenter said it best "we've only just begun"...
so no news is - well - no news...
more to come when i know it... thanks for the positive inquiries!
Monday, February 4, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
port-o-wha?
if anyone tells you that port surgery is no big deal - they are lying. the positives about the port surgery are:
1) local anesthesia and sedation-- yay sedation - what can best be described by quoting the anesthesiologist... "how much of today do you want to remember?" (he actually moved up to my third favorite doctor, though) and 2) the drugs - at this point i don't 100% need them. but i am 100% using them and they are good. whatever passes the time people, whatever passes the time.
the negatives about the port in general:
1) alllll day in the hospital again including pre-op anxiety. good times... you would have at least thought that i would have learned my lesson that i could go in with underwear. dangit! maybe next surgery...
2) soreness factor is right up there - so according to what dr. told me the procedure is as follows - cut into skin just below collar bone and make a neat little pocket for the port, then thread a tube up in a major artery (another incision) through the neck.
3) can't lift heavies on either side now. i mean not that i cart around bricks all day but it really makes carrying the laptop a pain and forget about grocery shopping. i am just complaining about being disabled - it will pass - but for now its a total pain- literally and metaphorically
quick story about the fiasco that was the commute to the hospital. so first off the appt. was for 5:45 AM - good times. I got a "car" into the city which ended up being the shadiest stretch limo i have EVER seen. "they didn't have another car available" was what i was told. 5:45 AM, dark, rainy, tinted windows... so you can not SEE ANYTHING. i write the directions on a piece of paper - queensboro bridge avoid the toll. so get this vague feeling we are going in the wrong direction but the dude has the partition up so you can't even talk to him and 10 minutes later we are on the toll bridge. you know, whatever, fine. another 10 minutes we pull up to the hosiptal - $40... plus toll. WTH? 1) not paying the toll. 2) $40 to w12th from LIC, not a chance. i gave him $30 and left the "car". you better believe there is a complaint coming... see attached picture of the ghetto "bar" in the ghetto "car".
that is all...
1) local anesthesia and sedation-- yay sedation - what can best be described by quoting the anesthesiologist... "how much of today do you want to remember?" (he actually moved up to my third favorite doctor, though) and 2) the drugs - at this point i don't 100% need them. but i am 100% using them and they are good. whatever passes the time people, whatever passes the time.
the negatives about the port in general:
1) alllll day in the hospital again including pre-op anxiety. good times... you would have at least thought that i would have learned my lesson that i could go in with underwear. dangit! maybe next surgery...
2) soreness factor is right up there - so according to what dr. told me the procedure is as follows - cut into skin just below collar bone and make a neat little pocket for the port, then thread a tube up in a major artery (another incision) through the neck.
3) can't lift heavies on either side now. i mean not that i cart around bricks all day but it really makes carrying the laptop a pain and forget about grocery shopping. i am just complaining about being disabled - it will pass - but for now its a total pain- literally and metaphorically
quick story about the fiasco that was the commute to the hospital. so first off the appt. was for 5:45 AM - good times. I got a "car" into the city which ended up being the shadiest stretch limo i have EVER seen. "they didn't have another car available" was what i was told. 5:45 AM, dark, rainy, tinted windows... so you can not SEE ANYTHING. i write the directions on a piece of paper - queensboro bridge avoid the toll. so get this vague feeling we are going in the wrong direction but the dude has the partition up so you can't even talk to him and 10 minutes later we are on the toll bridge. you know, whatever, fine. another 10 minutes we pull up to the hosiptal - $40... plus toll. WTH? 1) not paying the toll. 2) $40 to w12th from LIC, not a chance. i gave him $30 and left the "car". you better believe there is a complaint coming... see attached picture of the ghetto "bar" in the ghetto "car".
that is all...
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
no radiation...
yes good news, indeed.
no radiation - unless I wake up with night sweats in panic that i am not doing it. which i feel comfortable if the doctor says he doesn't think i need it then i dont think i need it... i mean i am already going to do chemo- what else do you people want from me?
the weird thing that i am wrestling with (wwe not wcw) is why i am not more rattled about all of this than i am. honestly, i have no idea. i really feel at peace with the whole thing. not to be too schmaltzy but i really believe that God is control of all of this so there is nothing to fear. i just need to get through it. but then i have also learned about myself is that when i go through something traumatic, i often do not feel the repercussions until months later... so, we'll see... if i decide to shed all of my earthly possessions in 6 months and move to the desert to be a pasta/glue artist, someone put me in therapy. (is that understood? i now have witnesses. you are all responsible.) until i snap and go off the grid - i am surviving... very well actually ( i even worked late the other night and wasn't tired) no doubt with prayer and support from all of you. and will continue to do so until i can't. what else can i do?
no radiation - unless I wake up with night sweats in panic that i am not doing it. which i feel comfortable if the doctor says he doesn't think i need it then i dont think i need it... i mean i am already going to do chemo- what else do you people want from me?
the weird thing that i am wrestling with (wwe not wcw) is why i am not more rattled about all of this than i am. honestly, i have no idea. i really feel at peace with the whole thing. not to be too schmaltzy but i really believe that God is control of all of this so there is nothing to fear. i just need to get through it. but then i have also learned about myself is that when i go through something traumatic, i often do not feel the repercussions until months later... so, we'll see... if i decide to shed all of my earthly possessions in 6 months and move to the desert to be a pasta/glue artist, someone put me in therapy. (is that understood? i now have witnesses. you are all responsible.) until i snap and go off the grid - i am surviving... very well actually ( i even worked late the other night and wasn't tired) no doubt with prayer and support from all of you. and will continue to do so until i can't. what else can i do?
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Friday, January 11, 2008
treatment options
so i had the oncologist appt yesterday and she went over my pathology report with me. here are the interesting things of note:
- poorly differentiated = aggressive and fast-growing - which isn't the best thing BUT the good news about that is that these type of cancer cells react most positively to chemo- good news there!
- i am not estrogen positive but i am progesterone positive - which means hormone suppressants and no birth control ever again. awesome. might have fertility issues but we'll just have to wait and see-- i might even go into a trail after chemo to see if there is this other drug that will be better for the post-chemo self. we'll see.
treatment won't start for another few weeks to help me heal a little more.
here are the treatment options i am looking at:
AC/Taxol - dose dense - 8 treatments - 1 every 2 weeks - for 16 weeks. and then neulasta to boost white blood cell count the following day
or
TAC (AC and Taxotere) 6 treatment 1 every 3 weeks for 18 weeks - and then also neulasta as well.
either way i will go on tamoxifen after to suppress estrogen and progesterone production which may mean no periods - could be a positive - but also will more than likely not be able to get pregnant on tamoxifen - which could be a negative-- don't really know - we'll see.
ready to get treatment over with and honestly - i think i am really still in shock about actually being a cancer patient- all too surreal.
couple of other positive things- will meet with a nutritionist and can get acupuncture through the cancer center. yay rah!
thats all for now - aside from including a picture of what i came back to work to on tuesday. very sweet - except for the fact that one of the balloons had on it "welcome home" - there was much debate over the working expectations - and we came to an agreement that i would not, in fact, "move into the office for the next six months" - and come to find out the only other one they had was "congrats, it's a boy" - so now I am thankful for welcome home :-)
- poorly differentiated = aggressive and fast-growing - which isn't the best thing BUT the good news about that is that these type of cancer cells react most positively to chemo- good news there!
- i am not estrogen positive but i am progesterone positive - which means hormone suppressants and no birth control ever again. awesome. might have fertility issues but we'll just have to wait and see-- i might even go into a trail after chemo to see if there is this other drug that will be better for the post-chemo self. we'll see.
treatment won't start for another few weeks to help me heal a little more.
here are the treatment options i am looking at:
AC/Taxol - dose dense - 8 treatments - 1 every 2 weeks - for 16 weeks. and then neulasta to boost white blood cell count the following day
or
TAC (AC and Taxotere) 6 treatment 1 every 3 weeks for 18 weeks - and then also neulasta as well.
either way i will go on tamoxifen after to suppress estrogen and progesterone production which may mean no periods - could be a positive - but also will more than likely not be able to get pregnant on tamoxifen - which could be a negative-- don't really know - we'll see.
ready to get treatment over with and honestly - i think i am really still in shock about actually being a cancer patient- all too surreal.
couple of other positive things- will meet with a nutritionist and can get acupuncture through the cancer center. yay rah!
thats all for now - aside from including a picture of what i came back to work to on tuesday. very sweet - except for the fact that one of the balloons had on it "welcome home" - there was much debate over the working expectations - and we came to an agreement that i would not, in fact, "move into the office for the next six months" - and come to find out the only other one they had was "congrats, it's a boy" - so now I am thankful for welcome home :-)
Monday, January 7, 2008
time to work
so- I am going back to the office tomorrow after the longest hiatus in my professional history. sooo weird! mom asked me if i was excited and despite the fact that I find it hard to be "excited" about work I have to admit that i am excited about returning to a life of a semi-normal person. School starts this weekend as well- which I am excited about that! yay!
on that note: thank you to everyone for helping me return to the land of the normal! i really appreciate your thoughts, prayers, cards and well wishes! I am so fortunate to have great family and friends and a fantastic support system that has made this time easier than i would have ever imagined. I know I am not through the hardest part but I don't think that I could have gotten through any of it without all of you.
on the dr. front, I have my first saline injection tomorrow- no clue what that is like so i'll keep you updated. i have an oncologist appt. on thursday so am hoping to get the results of the hormone receptors and learn more about treatment. exciting stuff coming up. :-)
here's a picture of semi-normal belly dancing- i think i found a new career (no dice!) ps... i got all my hair cut off. a great tip from april if i do, in fact, lose my hair. still getting used to it but it is SO much easier to maintain-- heck yeah!
on that note: thank you to everyone for helping me return to the land of the normal! i really appreciate your thoughts, prayers, cards and well wishes! I am so fortunate to have great family and friends and a fantastic support system that has made this time easier than i would have ever imagined. I know I am not through the hardest part but I don't think that I could have gotten through any of it without all of you.
on the dr. front, I have my first saline injection tomorrow- no clue what that is like so i'll keep you updated. i have an oncologist appt. on thursday so am hoping to get the results of the hormone receptors and learn more about treatment. exciting stuff coming up. :-)
here's a picture of semi-normal belly dancing- i think i found a new career (no dice!) ps... i got all my hair cut off. a great tip from april if i do, in fact, lose my hair. still getting used to it but it is SO much easier to maintain-- heck yeah!
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